Monkey Steals Peach

I wanted to report on a hilarious story I just saw in the January 2006 edition of Fortean Times. The article concerns a little old 92 year old lady named Soja Popova, who resides in Klaipeda, Lithuania. It seems two robbers felt she was an easy mark, and broke in to her home to rob her, but little did they know she was a Goat milker. It seems that after a lifetime of milking goats, Soja had built up a grip "like Iron". She used this feature to good effect by latching on to one of the crook's family jewels and squeezing for all she is worth; Ouch. The man was in such pain that "he started screaming like an animal", according to our hero. The screams and cries of pain alerted her neighbours, who then called the police. Way to be Soja, keep those hands nimble. The moral of this story is do not mess with a milk maid or your risking some major damage to your reproductive capabilities.

This story reminds me of when I was a boy, taking kung fu for the first time. When one of the best techinques we were taught, that could even take down a 250 lbs. man,it was called "monkey steals a peach." This technique was basically what Soja used, with some variations like a strike instead of a grab. I guess it shows us men have a universal weak spot that hurts in any language, and they say females are the weaker sex.

I was thinking that to raise money for charity, Soja could have a "grip strength contest" against the infamous lobster boy. They could start out to see how many walnuts they could crush in 5 minutes, then move up to baseballs and finally bowling balls. If these feats of strength do not decide who is the strongest crusher in the world, then they should go to "anything-goes" grappling. All areas of the body are legitimate targets including the groin area. What a spectacle of elemental human drama, with these two titans of grip strength going at it, thumb and nail. We may be able to get a pay-for-view contract for this sporting event of note. The event should be called The Crustacean vs The Lithuanian Iron Lady. What a Battle Royale! I would pay good money to see that. I believe King Kong would pale next to this ball busting event.

If you are interested there is a link to the great Fortean Times in my link section.